I had an audition today and it was a great eye opener to say the least. Life has a funny way of dealing me just what I need even if I don't agree. Today was a perfect example.
I had 19 pages of lines to memorize which ended up not being that bad in the end. They only asked for the 2nd and 4th scene to be done. So It worked out to be around 7 pages. So not too bad. But very intense content. It was quite heavy stuff... Anyway, got there and went in to the audition and did my first read and couldn't connect. Couldn't get in touch with the character. I don't know why. The structure was all there but no real emotion or heart was in it. So the casting director asked me how I felt after I finished and I said, "Okay, nothing special." I know I could have done better. When practicing the night before I had the emotion and could connect, no problem. But accessing feelings is a tricky thing for me. Sometimes I just close up and protect myself.
*Acting is such a weird thing to do when you think about it*
So anyways she agreed with me and said she couldn't connect or feel the characters pain. Then asked me some other homework questions and we talked a bit. She asked me if I wanted to take 5 min and come back in later and try again or just go again right now.
I thought about it. There was a part of me that wanted to go outside and take some time. But I knew that would only lead to me beating myself up about how I couldn't connect. And once you leave and then come back in there is all this pressure so I then thought about staying and just going again. I knew I was having difficulty and going again to quickly might just lead to a repeat of the last read.
So then I thought, "Screw it." I'll go again and try something new. See if that works. If it doesn't then well... (That's about as far as my thought pattern went)
So I sat down and had another go at it. It went better. But I didn't fully let go. It wasn't where I felt it needed to be if I was directing the film. I knew it was an improvement though. It was tough to get a feeling off the casting director as to what she thought about it. I thanked her and the other person in the room who was reading the lines with me and left.
Feeling satisfied I was able to up my performance but slightly bewildered as to why I couldn't completely commit to the scene or the character for that matter. I've had auditions in the past four years while filming Heartland but haven't had any really intense ones that test me as an actor. This one pushed me to my limit and revealed my weakness. My fear of failure and attachment to results. It was a bitter taste in my mouth.
Thank God it was sunny today. It was 6 Degrees and the sun was out just being the sun, awesome in every way. So that provided some natural antidepressant.
So in short I guess I'm saying get outside your comfort zone. That's where all the fun happens anyway.
One Love,
Graham
And for those who haven't seen it yet here's a great video I posted on my twitter the other day,
http://vimeo.com/19900368
Comments
Jacquie wrote:
Hi Graham!
I am a big fan of Heartland and you're an amazing actor! your website is awesome and your writing is amazing!
sarah wrote:
that was a grate video i loved it i would love to learn how to make one like that but i really have no idea how to. but that ok i will learn some day thank you for sharing that video with me i was something i needed to see it made my day lol
Flor wrote:
Hi! it´s the first time i comment one of your posts. I now that in those moments it feels bad like you don´t now what you are doing there or you ask yourself: "what´s going on? I´ve done it a lot of times and was right..." But sometimes we have to see the fun side of that situations and laught. Some months ago i saw in youtube a video you made with Amber about the season final, but i saw the uncut video. I´ve to say that´s my favourite video. You have problems with some of the lines but you have fun ( or it seems to...) and Amber can´t stop laughting. I think thats important, trying to do it right but also having fun.
Agnetha wrote:
Good evening Graham
I love you, you are formidable and I look at Heartland every week.
By hoping to read again you Kiss
melanie wrote:
hey Graham,
I think you are truly right, i think challenging ourselves is an important way of proving to oneself what we are capable of. Of course that means that there is a chance of failining, but technically, we end up winning because we had the courage to do it. And there's always a learning coming out of it, and that's a gift.
Still, don´t give up, you never know,
one love,
Nicole wrote:
Hy Graham,
Thank you for being Graham Wardle, a human being, whose job is being an actor, who sometimes is not as good as he would like to be or should be ! Like it can happen to everyone on this earth. Thank you for giving us a part of real life and not this image of Greek God as the media tend to speak about your profession.
I hope we will have the pleasure to see you playing others characters than "Ty Borden". Do not belive that I do not like him but I'm curious to see which other characters you are able to interpret.
De tout coeur avec toi pour tes prochaines auditions.
Bonne continuation.
Nicole
Genny Moody wrote:
Dear Graham,
I love your work and I say keep going everybody should challenge themselves. I also have a question are you really a couple with Amber Marshall?
Petra wrote:
Hi Graham,
It appears to me that you are punishing yourself by calling
your fear of failure and attachment to result a weakness, and I understand,
because I do it myself quite often. But if you simply translate the word
‘weakness’ into ‘being human’, it would sound profoundly different. There’s nothing
mediocre about being human in my humble opinion.
And being human is what you so beautifully display in your
writing. I love the openness and transparency of it and the insight it shows. I
love the passion you have for creativity and the gentle way in which you
encourage others to be creative. It is very inspiring (even to people who are a
bit older than what I assume is the average age of your fans).
I’ll add a link to a site you might like (if you didn’t know
it already). It’s my weekly Sunday ‘fix’ that shows how human we all are, in a
creative way.
http://www.postsecret.com/
Petra
Silvia wrote:
Hey Graham,
I hope you won't quit Heartland. It can't be the same without you :)
But whatever else you will be doing as an actor I know you will do very well because you ARE a great actor!
Best wishes for the future!
Keep persevering it up :)
P.S. Sorry if any mistakes. I do speak portuguese and french better than english
hahaha... LOL :)
Sandrine wrote:
I do agree with U, Graham,
I always choose things I'm not good at, 'cause I know that when I make it,I get some new skills and a kind of pride. And when I screw it up, I recognize that I've tried hard and evaluate myself: if there was anything I could have done to make it better or nothing, then I let it go.
The worse thing is to never try!!! U don't get anything except regrets, depressive illusions and there's no way to know if U could make it. I don't wish anybody this.
For me, regrets have always been harder to come over than failure, that's why I prefer to try even if the thong looks really difficult or frightening.
And U know what? After failing at an interview, the best thing to do is to update your CV for ur next application!!! For an exam, it's to directly revise ur notes (for the second turn) and tell yourself that it was only a bad dream!!
Hahahah, lol.
I wish U to spread ur wings and fly.
Christy wrote:
Hello Graham
Have you ever read Frank Herbert's Dune series? My parents read it before I was born, and when I was younger and be afraid of something my mom would hold me and whisper the mantra that even to this day I keep telling myself whenever I am about to do something that I'm a little nervous of:
I will not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. I will face my fear and let it pass through me. When it is over, only I will remain.
Here is to fear, may it keep us sane by reminding us we are only human.
Graham wrote:
Thank you all for your positive support. I am honestly blown away. Even though I probably have never met most of you, I do have enormous respect and appreciation for those people who come to this site and contribute.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Annikken wrote:
Hi Graham.
I hope you never ever give up on your dreams.
in what I read, you seem like a wonderful, honest and great person! - and I'm probably not the only one, that thinks it :)
Don't give up and stay strong Graham.
love,
annikken
Kim Ward wrote:
Keeping hope.
sydney wrote:
Graham I think your talents are so varied and insightful. I enjoy Heartland very much, I find your photographs to be so intriguing, leaving one to enjoy the picture and create their own interpretation, giving you pause to enjoy the moment(s). keep doing what your doing - it's great!!! Your imagination is very refreshing as seen in your writing. We often try things that we may not be great at but at least you had the courage to try - that is more than most people even think of. I'd like to pass on a couple of quotes someone passed on to me, these are no-brainers but I love to laugh and these are exactly what I enjoy reading when things seem to be going not so great - these are a few paraprosdokians to cheer anyone up - Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?.......... Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage make you a car..........To steal ideas from one person is plagarism; to steal from many is research.......... and finally - I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.
Emanuela wrote:
Graham,
Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we fall then we come back to our feet : best way to learn. You are an amazing actor and artist. And maybe if you didn't succed at that audition maybe the role was not for you. Something better is waiting for you. Maybe you couldn't connect with the character because it was not your destiny to play this role and instead of it you will have a role that suits you best. I believe in you and I believe in your success. You're a complete artist and very smart person.
I'm afraid of failing too, because I feel like I don't have the right to fail, I put a lot of pression on me, because my father died when I was 9, and I'm an only child and we don't have family in France, so I tried to be responsible, a good pupil at school, .. to help my mother. And I agree with your quote , the fear of failure paralyses.
Good luck Graham and I wish you all the best. Don't give up your dreams. I hope that you feel better.
Greets from France,
Emanuela
Donna D wrote:
Graham,
Lisa wrote:
Hi there Graham. Your honesty is really appreciated and insightful not only for yourself but for those of us who read about it. You mentioned that: "When practicing the night before I had the emotion and could connect, no problem." So you know you CAN do it. That's really important to remember.
I understand that many actors have problems expressing certain emotions because there may be a personal revulsion to that particular emotion, say the emotion felt by a serial killer or a rapist, or a fear of looking foolish or being vulnerable. From your other comments it sounds like vulnerability is an issue for you: "But accessing feelings is a tricky thing for me. Sometimes I just close up and protect myself." You should think hard about what you are protecting yourself from and why you feel the need to close up.
I wonder who you practiced in front of or with. Maybe it needs to be with someone that you have trouble feeling vulnerable in front of instead of someone you are completely comfortable with. With your talents as a videographer I wonder if it would be helpful to practice while having it filmed--maybe you already do that. I would think that would really help out as well.
In terms of Heartland, there has never been a single moment in which your emotions did not appear real. You never seemed like you were just acting. I'm thinking of say Season 2 Episode 8, Summer's End, where you had to play out some very intense emotions when your father showed up unexpectedly. I wonder if it might help for you to watch yourself in certain Heartland scenes or in other work you have done and remember how you accessed the necessary emotions then.
Thanks for keeping in touch with us much more frequently and for sharing such personal experiences with us. Warmest regards, Lisa
Meghan wrote:
hey,
getting out of your comfort zone is really the only way to try new things. and sometimes you discover new talents and skills that you never would have guessed that you had. for example, i joined the National FFA last year, i didnt really know anything about it, but i went out there and tried it anyway. low and behold i am now going to Nationals for dairy judging, agriculture communications, and livestock judging. i have never really worked with cattle or livestock or anything before but i was good at it and i even came in first place in the state new hampshire for dairy judging.
you have to get out there and try new things even if you are a little uncomfortable, because the more you do it, the better you get at it.
-Meghan
Meghan wrote:
hey, me again
i remembered something that i once got in a fortune cookie, it said:
"Failure is the tuition you pay for success"
you can never succeed without knowing what its like to fail. you dont know bad if you've never known good. you cant stand up without falling down
Kristine wrote:
hi:) I'm from Denmark so sorry if my english fails sometimes:/...and sorry for posting this here...didn't know whereelse to put it;) I don't know much about you, I just randomly found one of your pictures on the internet. They are very beautiful and you get some very interesting points shown.. -i'm sure you've heard it all before;)- I am especially very fascinated about the one with the waterdrops, and also the one with a hand reaching after something. I wanted to ask you if it is possible to buy one?? ... I sure hope it is:)
Nicole wrote:
Hello Graham,
Hope you are well. I just saw the last epiosode of Heartland's season 4 thanks to Internet. I read that there is a season 5 on preparation. I'm curious to see how the different characters will develop.
You grow with this serie. In France, when a serie meets success, the actors become most of time prisonner of their characters and have difficulty to find and to receive other proposals. I hope the rules are different in your country. It would be damage not to be able to see you interpreting other roles.
I've just a question : Singers do no more need to learn their songs by heart. A prompter (I hope this is the right translation) helps them on stage. Is it the same for the actors ?. You just have to impregnate you with the text to know how to play your character and the prompter helps for the dialogue.
The first scenes of the film "Sherlock Holmes 2" have been turned im my "little" town at the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I had no time to present me for an extra. This was the only way to see a little more from a film production.
Salut !
Nicole
Jill wrote:
Very inspiring! Love the quote: "The fear of failure will paralyze one into everlasting mediocrity."
It's good to know even great actors sometimes close up and protect themselves, I'm struggling with this exact challenge in my classes right now - putting blocks up to protect myself. Thanks for the insightful report!
SarahM wrote:
Hi Graham,
I've been mulling over your post, and thinking about how as artists we put ourselves out there but are not always prepared for the consequences. Our performance, be it on screen, on stage, on paper or in a digital format will always be open to scrutiny, and as a result, so are we as individuals. However, the best value we get out of both the performance and the review (good or bad), is the experience itself. What was it like to go into the event, successfully survive and come out the other side? What did you learn?
Being an artist is both challenging and rewarding. The balance between the two is the difficult bit. Stretching yourself, and trying new things, is (almost) always beneficial, even if you can't see what benefit there has been in the short-term, and particularly if your experience is a negative one. At the same time, you have to accept that a 'comfort zone' exists for a reason, we all need something safe and familiar that we can retreat to.
Strangely, as I was thinking about what to write here, I came across a site called Two Way Lens, Michael Werner's blog about professional and aspiring photographers' experiences of their craft. His March post was an interview with Doug DuBois, who is new to me, but his thoughts on how to evaluate the work (or the 'performance') itself could easily apply to any art form.
http://2waylens.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html
I've really enjoyed looking at some of the photos in your gallery and have taken loads of inspiration for future projects. Having started with a film SLR as a child, taking the DSLR off auto is my current 'challenge', it's fun but I can't believe how much I've forgotten!
Best wishes
Sarah
Abigail wrote:
Wow! How on earth did you memorize 19 pages of lines! I have trouble memorizing 2 pages and i am usually good at remembering things.
I guess remembering lines are like remembering then retelling a story? Except you have to get it right.
Greetings from Australia :-)
jen wrote:
hi graham.heartland is my favorite show..i have seen u act in supernatural too.but heartland is inspiring to alot of people it show that no matter where u come from who u r theres always someone out there for u..p.s i would love to see u in person someday so i can get a autograph..good luck on heartland
Kelsey wrote:
Hey Graham!!
You're an amazing actor!!
I'm like odsessed with Heartland:D
The show is really inspiring.
You're my favorite actor!!!
Good Luck :)
Arielle wrote:
Hey Graham,
Greetings from India! :)
The poetry that you've written so far is an absolute treat! It is a pulsating sensation to find such richness in the writing and the way that you have integrated your photography into it. I'm pleasantly surprised and inspired. Thank you for the openess in your art. :)
May each endeavour guide through the churning waters of Life...
Arielle
Elaine wrote:
Hey dude, just stumbled across Heartland the other day - I loved it and through IMDB found this website. Its pretty cool, definitely one I will be refering on and checking for updates, keep them coming!
Liz wrote:
Hi,
I basically stumbled across Heartland a couple weeks ago, and am nearly obsessed now. So I checked your website out, and I am amazed at how creative and artistic you are. You are so honest and deep, it is remarkably refreshing. How often do you come down to Seattle? Look me up if you come down. We can talk about riding on your space motorcycle or something. ;)
Sincerely,
Liz
Aby wrote:
Hey Graham,
I don't actually know if you read all those comments we send you, but well, let's just give it a try. I was really fascinated by your writing mostly, because I write too and when I read your texts, it made me kinda think of some of mine. And I know there's 99% of chance your won't ever read this, but I was wondering if you just could take a look at my own blog. http://wellmakethembelieve.blogspot.com
Yeah I know, who am I to ask you that, but idk, maybe it'll work. Writing is my life, and my dream is to be published one day. So I'm just trying my best to get there, even if I try too many dead ends.
Thanks for sharing your own work with us. It's inspiring. Thank you.
Hoping this comment isn't another dead end ;)
Aby
karen wylie wrote:
you are a great actor & i hope you stay on heartland for a long time. I was wondering how my friend & i could meet you. We are from New Mexico & we would like to meet you & amber so, please e-mail me soon You guy's are great people so please come for a meet & greet to Albuquerque sometime
Jerrica wrote:
It's funny a few days ago I was actually thinking the same thing! Acting is weird when u think of it but yet it's great cause it's like a hole new world where u can be a whole new person and actually it can be refreshing to play someone your not.. I don't consdider acting a hobby it's more like a passion u know?? Ware do u think u would be graham if it wasn't for acting... For one I believe u would be ok! Mean I have seen your videos and photos and there incredable'! Well please don't stop writing your blog .. It's quite interesting.
Love jerrica
Melissa wrote:
Sounds like you have been keeping busy ... Screw that one moment when u feel hopless in life .. But I learned the hard way that you just always have to push through , even through the stressfull times and esspescily the hard ones. The one thing I really love about this blog is I feel a connection. Not in the way u may think but the way as in I feel there is something about your thoughts that get me wondering and well actually inspire me , keePs me motavated .. Just wanted to thank you fOr writing your blogs.
Love
Melissa
Lucie wrote:
Hi I know this is reallllly random but do you lliikkee amber & is it awkward kissing on set
Sabrina wrote:
So Graham actually posts these on here and reads the comments?
atrayah wrote:
such fun watching your video on youth as it reminded me so much of my kids and their friends!
heather j wrote:
really beautiful blog. i'm definitely going to keep checking in for new posts.
peace&love
heather